Marriage is full of love, but it’s also full of moments that make you laugh. From the silly habits we notice after years together to the little misunderstandings that turn into family stories, humor is part of what keeps a marriage strong.
Funny marriage quotes remind us not to take life—or each other—too seriously. They show that laughter and love can walk hand in hand, even on days when things don’t go as planned.
I remember the first time I realized marriage wasn’t just about grand romantic gestures. It was also about laughing when the coffee machine exploded at 6 a.m., or when my partner accidentally wore two different shoes to work. Those little moments are the glue.
Classic Humorous Marriage Sayings
- “Marriage is a workshop… where the husband works and the wife shops.”
- “A happy marriage is a long conversation which always seems too short.” – André Maurois.
- “Marriage is not just spiritual communion. It’s also remembering to take out the trash.”
- “The most important four words for a successful marriage: I’ll do the dishes.”
- “Marriage: when dating goes too far.”
- “A good marriage is like a casserole—only those responsible for it really know what goes into it.”
- “Husbands are like fine wine… they take time to mature.”
- “Marriage lets you annoy one special person for the rest of your life.”
- “Love may be blind, but marriage is a real eye-opener.”
- “A man is incomplete until he is married. After that, he is finished.” – Zsa Zsa Gabor.
I’ve found that these old favorites never really get old. They work because they capture universal truths in just a few words.
Witty Quotes About Marriage from Famous People
- “My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met.” – Rodney Dangerfield.
- “An archaeologist is the best husband any woman can have; the older she gets, the more interested he is in her.” – Agatha Christi.e
- “Some people ask the secret of our long marriage. We take time to go to a restaurant two times a week… I go Tuesdays, she goes Fridays.” – Henny Youngman.
- “Marriage is like a deck of cards. In the beginning, all you need is two hearts and a diamond. By the end, you’re looking for a club and a spade.”
- “The secret of a happy marriage remains a secret.” – Henny Youngman.
- “A happy marriage is the union of two good forgivers.” – Ruth Bell Graham.
- “Marriage has no guarantees. If that’s what you’re looking for, go live with a car battery.” – Erma Bombec.k
- “You can’t have a happy marriage without a few arguments. If you never disagree, one of you isn’t necessary.”
- “The best way to remember your anniversary is to forget it once.” – Unkno.wn
- “A man’s main job is to protect his wife from her desire to ‘get what she deserves.’” – Archie Bunker
I love how these quotes manage to be smart and silly at the same time. They remind me that humor is a sign of wisdom in marriage.
Short Funny Marriage Quotes for Social Media
- “Marriage: the world’s oldest team sport.”
- “Better half? More like best half.”
- “You had me at ‘I’ll order pizza.’”
- “In marriage, one person is always right… and the other is the husband.”
- “Marriage is when you agree to annoy each other for life.”
- “Love is blind, but marriage is an eye exam.”
- “Every love story is beautiful, but ours is my favorite—and the funniest.”
- “We go together like coffee and mornings, I wish I could skip.”
- “Happily ever after… with snacks.”
- “Marriage is sharing a bathroom without losing your mind.”
- “We’re the kind of couple who argue over where to eat but still share dessert.”
- “Forever sounds a lot shorter when you’re with your best friend.”
I’ve posted a few of these on anniversaries and random Tuesdays. It’s amazing how a little humor can get so many smiles and comments.
Marriage Jokes That Work Every Time
- Why do married people live longer? Because they can’t argue if they’re dead.
- Marriage is like a phone call—first you get the ring, then you wake up.
- Why do husbands usually die before their wives? Because they want to.
- In marriage, the husband makes the big decisions… like what the national debt should be.
- Why do married couples look alike over time? Shared stress.
- Marriage is when you give up the remote and gain control of someone’s heart.
- Why did the wife cross the road? To tell her husband that he forgot to take out the trash.
- A husband’s idea of housework: lifting his feet so his wife can vacuum.
- Marriage is all about compromise. I admit I’m wrong, and she agrees with me.
- Why do weddings have cakes? Because you can’t serve sarcasm for dessert.
I’ve slipped a few of these into casual conversations. They work best when told with a warm smile, never to tease too harshly.
Anniversary Humor to Celebrate the Years
- “Another year, another reason to be grateful we didn’t kill each other.”
- “Happy anniversary to the only person I want to annoy for the rest of my life.”
- “Love is staying married for years and still finding each other cute… most days.”
- “We’ve been through thick and thin… and snacks.”
- “Marriage means celebrating the years you’ve managed to tolerate each other.”
- “Happy anniversary! Let’s celebrate by doing absolutely nothing… together.”
- “Thanks for reminding me daily that love can survive my cooking.”
- “Here’s to another year of shared Netflix passwords and bad jokes.”
- “We’ve been together so long, I can finish your sentences—and snacks.”
- “Anniversary: proof that I’m still winning at choosing the best partner.”
- “Happy anniversary! You’re still my favorite notification.”
- “Our marriage is like a fine wine… but on some days, it’s more like boxed wine.”
I’ve found that humor makes anniversaries even sweeter. A funny line can say “I love you” just as well as a serious one.
Sarcastic Marriage Quotes for a Playful Twist
- “Marriage is mostly yelling ‘What?’ from different rooms.”
- “We’re a perfect match… if by perfect you mean chaotic.”
- “I love you more today than yesterday—yesterday you annoyed me.”
- “We complete each other’s sentences… and grocery lists.”
- “Behind every great man is a woman rolling her eyes.”
- “We go together like sarcasm and love.”
- “You’re my better half—better at finding the TV remote, that is.”
- “Our marriage is strong because we take turns being right… But I’m mostly right.”
- “Love is patient, love is kind… unless it’s Monday morning.”
- “I’m so lucky to have a partner who tolerates me daily without a refund policy.”
I think sarcasm works in marriage because it lets us laugh at life’s little frustrations. It’s a reminder that not everything has to be serious.
Funny Advice for Newlyweds
- Always say “yes, dear,” even when you’re right, especially when you’re right.
- Never go to bed angry… stay up and win the argument.
- Remember: the TV remote is a symbol of true power. Share it wisely.
- If you can survive IKEA furniture assembly together, you can survive anything.
- Don’t keep score. The winner has to do the dishes.
- Marriage is a team sport—sometimes you’re the coach, sometimes the benchwarmer.
- Apologize quickly… even if you’re not sure what you did.
- Keep snacks in the house. Hungry arguments are the worst.
- Learn the art of selective hearing.
- When in doubt, blame the dog.
- Compliments work best when they’re about something your partner actually cares about.
- Laugh together often—it’s cheaper than therapy.
I’ve shared some of these with friends who just got married. They’re funny, but they also carry a bit of truth you only understand once you’ve lived it.
Conclusion
Marriage is a mix of love, patience, and laughter. These funny marriage quotes show that joy is just as important as romance.
Whether you’ve been married for decades or are just starting out, keep humor close. Share a joke, post a witty caption, or send your partner a silly text. Small moments of laughter build a lifetime of memories.
FAQs
Q: When to marry quotes?
A: “Marry when you’ve found someone you can laugh with, even on the hard days.”
Q: What is marriage in one line?
A: “Marriage is choosing the same person every day, with love and a little humor.”
Q: What are happy couple quotes?
A: “A happy couple is two people who find joy in each other’s company, no matter what life brings.”